Thursday, November 19, 2009

Please pass the martini and diet pills now....

...because I feel like I'm in the 1950s.

Some of you may remember the origin of this blog's name, "Liggiland." It came about when I announced to my then husband-to-be that I wouldn't be taking his last name, but that I was more than happy to meld our last names into one and then we could both change ours. After some initial strife, he doesn't seem to mind anymore. No one in my family minds it. But my mother-in-law insists on referring to me as "Mrs. Liggio." At first it was "Mrs. Erin Liggio." I asked Mr. L to talk to her about it, but mostly I bit my tongue and sucked it up. And then this arrived in the mail today.

The offending article.

Mrs. Dennis. Liggio.

Apparently, I don't even get to have my own first name anymore. Now, I know that in the past, and probably still in some parts of the world today, married women considered it a privilege to be able to call themselves "Mrs. Huffington P. Nobgobbler." I'm not one of them. I love Mr. L, and most of the time I'm perfectly happy to be his wife. But I didn't change my name when I got married for a reason -
I'm still the same person I was before I said "I do." My fundamental personality didn't change. One of my core relationships did, but who I am didn't. And so I didn't change my name.

The replacement of my first name honestly feels like a smack in the face. It feels like to my mother-in-law, I have no first name or last name (or identity) of my own - I'm just "his wife." I find it maddening. I know there are women who don't mind this, who embrace it even, and I'm fine with that because it was (presumably) their choice. What's infuriating to me is that my mother-in-law insists on continuing this even though she's been told repeatedly that it doesn't just bother me, it offends me. I worked hard in school, in my career, and in my personal life to build a personality and identity I'm more or less proud of. I don't want that erased or replaced at someone else's whim.

Okay, that's enough venting on that. Lighter notes in the days to come, I promise.

Signing off,

Not Mrs. Dennis Liggio


  1. Oh lord you have got to be kidding me. That is so highly offensive I cannot even adequately express my disgust in this forum.

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